I just need to get it off my chest. I hope tat Mdm will give me my holidays.

Even though I took more than 2 weeks to recover from my sickness, that doesn't mean that my leave cld be delayed. Who are you to delay it??!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN you.

I'm tired. Just because my leaves are cut off, that doesn't mean you can just pile more shit of work into my hands. When can I get my pay?? I want my 13th bonus. so that I can feel the sacrifice that I made. No social life. whatsoever. I'm going to find another job and make myself better. I'm tired. I'm fedup. What a pile of shit!!

People ask me to have patience, but there's a limit to it!

Lessons learnt:

Mark the CAs and the PALs on Saturdays.
Do whatever was assisgned to you as soon as possible.
Treat every parent's reply as important, and reply and give them the book back on the same day.
Check, check, double check.
Go out of your way to do things for children. Is there a better way than this method?
Be creative. Surf around.
Do whatever you say and mean. This will bring credit to yourself. and create trust.
Be fast, fast, fast.
Communication and honesty is key. being open to your colleagues will brainstorm ideas to your progress.
Pay attention. Mark every book carefully.
Sleep early...

Today, I had a confusing and wonderful end. Why?

First, I was in charge of Reading Clinic tea session. Even though there are some things that corked up in the end, we managed to right the problems before they are displayed before the parents. We had to finish the Progress cards, and before that I had to call up every centre and ask whether they had the copy. It turned out that EVERY centre doesn't have one... so I had to chase Tr Herma. FOr 3 straight days. No doubt about it. I tried to call her on Thursday about 5 times, but to no avail. Then yesterday, I called her again, but to no luck. I highlighted to Tr Noni. She said that she will find out for me, and when the clock ticks to 5 pm, I called her twice. So she didn't answer, so the matter is still pending. So early this morning, I called every centre again. When I got the email, I was so angry. I called the centre again, and highlighted to her that I don't see any attachment. After I saved them inside my thumbdrive, I made copies and told that I wanted to double-check the certificates. Finally I did, then gave the cards to the teachers' in charge to do it. Then there was a call from Mdm Zab that there are some errors. So we used liquid paper to correct it. Then Hada called me to check whether I had given Fateha's file. I didn't know and realise that there is a certain way of decorating the envelope. After Noni checked them, she told me to type the names of the participants and paste onto them. The pressure is onto me. I got blur. Frankly speaking, I just stopped when the pressure of stress is overwhelming. Noni asked me to wake up, and do the rest of the correction work by myself. She asked me angrily, didn' I ask you to check? Didn't I? Didn't I? I had nothing to answer to her question. Teacher Suriati said sorry to me, and I said okay. It's my fault. I told her that its my fault for not communicating with you guys properly. They were cutting the names and pasting onto the envelopes. Raidah was angry that I didn't go and oversee the event but Noni chased the rest and told them that I am faster in finishing up the work. I understood why I had to do it, because I did the chasing and know whose participant needs correction. Syukuralhamdulilah. I became the person to give out the certificates and Nurul helped Suria. I posed with the participants and took pictures with them. After it was over, I chatted with Haziq's mum... and chatted about our qualifications. We had a wonderful time. and then Syazmira came over to give me 2 keropok. both of us were surprised.. then I came over to chat with Syazwani's and Syazmira's nenek. I really love them and treat them like my children. I told her that I like the hair clips that they wore and the baju kurungs. Again, I had a wonderful time chatting with them.
Then I rushed over to Bukit Batok centre, where I had to do my duty. They told me that I appeared in the HQ memo. and I was like, huh? when? They found it and showed me. Noraini told me, Izzudin and Iman. Their names sound familiar to me. It turned out that Izzudin's parents praised both of us and told them that both of us were totally dedicated to children's progress. A job well done to both of you.
I had to read the message twice before realising it. Until now, it still haven;t sunk inside my head yet. Now, I got to bathe and pray that I don't be stuck up before. Syukur Alhamdullilah. Now, I realise why Hada had to do that because its a way to give me a real wake up call. I hope that I still remember the working style and give the best for the children. Ini hikmah nye...

Today I had to prepare the Props and Exhibition things with Yana, Fiza and Hada. After what happened, I just lost my trust in Hada. She kept telling me that I won’t have to work with her, because she is so fierce. There are good things that I noticed. She has very good work habits, whatever you can do at that time, just do it. Treat every reply and things carefully and check again. Remember what you are supposed to do, and do it well and early. She gave me lots of feedback whenever I give ideas. But all the good things will end. At least I managed to observe her and know her working style. But the truth is, my gut feelings tell me that she doesn’t want to work with me. I made a terrible mistake and that spiralled into a series of mistakes. Which I truly regretted. I noticed that I have a very good teamwork with Suriati, Radiah, Suria. They did things very quickly and fast. Thank Allah for putting me with them. Syukuralhamdulillah.

Done on 15 November 2

wondering....

I just need to get this off my chest. It bothers me and I always end up in dreamland just thinking about it. I hope that nothing will happen. My imagination just goes wild.
During the Iman Lagun Sari Makan Event, I went up to greet all the directors after arriving. Teacher Suariati went up to Mr Adi and greeted him. She said the usual things that people do during Hari Raya. So after her turn, I went up to him and smiled. He took a glance at me. Then his eyes glanced up and down. I saw the movement of his eyes. It was uncomfortable, but I just continued smiling. I just said Selamat Hari Raya! after that, I ciao.

Then I went to Changkat CC recently. He arrived there… I was with a student I was in charge with and had just returned from a toilet visit. I decided to go in from the other entrance, where it wasn’t so packed with people. He looked at me from far, but I tot it was kinda stupid to just smile from far. I just went on my own way. I made my way to my seat, where unfortunately I had to sit beside Iqbal. He was in his naughty mood. I was running out of my patience just tolerating his nonsense. When Iqbal is in that mood, you can expect punches and even more nonsense. He laid down, pulling up his shorts. I had to repeatedly push him up to a sitting position. Mr Adi went to stand in the middle of the hall and see the performance. He looked around, and focused on us. I was talking to Iqbal. “ Iqbal! Don’t be like this, can you? Sit up please!” I said to him in frustration. And Iqbal sat up. We had to go up the stage for a dance performance later. I danced. I saw him look at my direction before being interrupted by other people.

I had a talk with mum recently. As she always listens to his time slot… she commented that there was a time he was being teased by other people. Such as being chased by other girls. He commented. He likes girls who wear scarfs….

From there, my heart just thumped. Been having uneasy feelings from then on…

I told myself repeatedly that it was just my imagination and coincidence. But my gut feelings tell me otherwise…..

But now, when I think about it, I think there are prettier girls than me. Maybe he just focussed on Yana.

I learnt something new today.

I saw a side of her that I couldn't see. And I finally saw it. What people said is true. and the worst part is that I trusted her, did what she wants or means... MdmShe had me around her finger. I had seen the world, the work with blinded eyes. SO blinded that I was in a dream world. Its time to wake up, baby.

I had a relapse of minor eye infection yesterday, and I saw the need to go to the polyclinic to get another dose of the medicine. The previous eye drop expired 1 month after use. SO I went to the polyclinic this morning. After the visit to the doctor, my body heated up and I had a fever. Even though my conscience didn't want me to sleep, I did, in order to rest for a while. This is a bad decision that I made today. As I don't have any MC or leave yet, Mdm told me to report work at 11 am. Then the consequences of my bad decision followed. Mom told me to be patient...
I didn't answer her's sms "Where are you?"

Then 30 minutes later, she smsed me, following Mdm's style. By hook or by crook, I want the files by today. Then you can go and rest. There's lots of work to do.

Only then, I realised that I held Camb 2 files, which had their project booklet. By coming late, I actually backlogged their progress.

30 minutes later, I actually managed to get a cab. I had to wait for any available taxis.. Mdm called me, yelling as she spoke. She questioned me where am I and did I bring the files. I did, and from that moment I realised that she had spoken to Mdm. Its betrayal. From that moment, after I recovered from my disbelief, my heart closed its doors. If she can do this to me during work, she can do the same even when we are not working.

Now people's perception of me is that I can't do my job, that she is better than me, helpful and cannot be depended on. During debriefing, my senses told me that she made some messages. She just wanted to suck up to Mdm. Maintain Mdm's good impression of her. and what really pissed me off is that she can still talk to me like nothing had happened earlier. What the fuck. I really don't have the appetite to eat, and felt like staying away from her. she kept her good side, and asked me whether I wanted to eat. I rejected her offer. If she turns cold towards me, the better. Its better to stay away.

What they said is true. If you can't keep up with the demands of your job, or be fast paced when you are supposed to, you fail as a teacher, as a team player. You lose trust in your colleagues, and people will start talking.

Sometimes its the truth, and the truth hurts. Damn a lot. It still breaks my heart when I remember the moment when a person that I respected a lot spoke the truth to another person about my bad points.

Sometimes I ask myself, why I couldn't do a task properly. and my efforts that I did earlier were just thrashed in a moment.


I have an intention to do a good job, to leave this place with a good impression. but going back through the latest events, I doubt so.

Now my leave is deducted. I heard that there's 3 weeks leave, and my leave is deducted 2 weeks. Most likely lah. My goal is to get my 13th month bonus and ciao.

I have several obstacles in order to achieve my 1 year experience. I went into it. got manipulated around, taken advantage, and pushed around. I saw a side of myommunity that I never liked, and saw the point why my race cannot advance forward. its toothe mindset of copying others, jealous when somebody advance and they don't. Every single thing they will comment. Favoritism. people will be popular and some
don't. With all these going around, its no wonder my community cannot move forward. There's always be fighting internally.

Adilla, just do your best. even things didn't turn out like the way you want it, at least, you learnt a lot during your experience here... Pray to God.

releasing my anger and sadness.

the wonders of it all. If the peak period of the year is already starting, when will it end?? I am tired. simply because my flu is acting up again.

Previously I tried my best, trying to remember things that I AM SUPPOSED TO DO but somehow, among the busiest of things, I forgot the sole responsibility. It made me feel sad, and still am. I dunno how to judge people based on their personailities, but I have been manipulated by many. Ppl take gd advantage of kindness and ask me to do things that is beyond my presponsility.

People whom I tot is very close to me, turned out to be the opposite. but the people that I am far, support me when I am down.

I am down yesterday, and I know that Mdm is informed about my mistake. therefore, my resilience in me made me withstand the harsh words during the briefing.

Whatever good that you do won't be highlighted, but all the mistakes that you do will be spread across all teachers and ustazahs.

Mistakes are mistakes, but they can be distorted from the truth, been changed to dramatised to represent a wholely different concept of the truth.

I have been patient. But there's a limit to it.

Whenever you do a mistake, learn from it and don't moan or complain about it. Smile, and dun forget about that part of responsibility.

I am very aware of my weakness. I have learnt to voice out my concerns, and I am thoroughly fedup by my mistakes. well,

things for me to develop:
STand up for myself.
Have proper documentation. be professional.
Think of different ways to present your idea. Keep all the good ideas to yourself.
Be the first to create an idea and make it happen.
Surf the net for ideas.
Don't pamper people. Sometimes, they must do things for themselves to learn how to do it.
Develop a successful system to manage the class.
Be alert and know what is going on.
Ask around.
Have a sense of urgency. Do things perfectly the first time, everytime.
Use TLC words. Tender loving care.
Do not be too formal. Parents find that trait and you too boring.
Be responsible. Always take care of the things.
Ask. Ask. ASk.
Mark books carefully.
Get used to the idea that you have to take up more than you are comfortable with.
Be child-like. Act out and make children laugh.
Dun be too stress!!